10 Ways To Become Trustworthy & More Trusting

One of the cornerstones of a healthy and strong relationship is trust, and trust is one of our 6 Secrets To Keeping Long Term Love. Trust in relationships takes time and effort to build, and can be destroyed in the blink of an eye, sometimes irreparably. In this post, we look at how to build trust in relationships with ten ways to become trustworthy and more trusting.

  1. Do what you say & be consistent in your behaviour. Don’t be a hypocrite and don’t have double standards.
  2. Don’t lie. Don’t embellish the truth. No-one believes or trusts a chronic liar. Trustworthy people don’t lie, cheat or steal.
  3. If you do lie, admit your lies & apologise for past indiscretions. Disclaimer: this can cause the other person to lose trust in you, but is a better alternative to having a lie found out.
  4. Give information & share secrets/personal information. Entrusting someone with these details exhibits your confidence and trust in them.
  5. Keep secrets of others & don’t gossip. People who often talk and gossip about others are often seen as being untrustworthy. Keeping personal information about others to yourself shows that you are trustworthy and above gossip, which is the “lowest form of discourse” (Jacqueline Bisset).
  6. Express your true feelings. If you love someone, let them know; if you dislike something, also let them know (but tactfully!). Honest people are more trustworthy.
  7. Honour your promises. It can be as simple as being punctual, but show that if you make a commitment or promise, you follow through on them. If you tell someone you’ll do something, do it.
  8. Demonstrate a strong moral ethic. Stand up for things you believe in. Show others that you support good causes. People are more easy to trust when they have good morals, do good things, and care for others.
  9. Be objective & show neutrality in difficult situations. Show fairness and diplomacy when dealing with others. For example, in situations that involve personal conflicts of interest: for example, arguments between two friends or family members. You are judged by others on the nature of your own judgements.
  10. Don’t let baggage from the past cloud/interfere with trust issues of the present. Many times it can be events of the past that affect our trust issues of the present. These issues can sometimes stem from your own behaviour or your own moral compass. Sometimes becoming more trustworthy and more trusting comes from within, after some introspective thought.

Are you as trustworthy as you’d like to be? What do you do in relationships to build trust?

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10 Ways To Make Yourself More Attractive To The Opposite Sex – Part 2

In the previous post, 10 Ways To Make Yourself More Attractive To The Opposite Sex – Part 1, we examined the first five of ten ways to attract the opposite sex and increase your chances of attracting the right people in your life. In this post, we examine the second five of ten ways.

6. Be unique, interesting and dynamic

How can you stand out (in a good way) to gain attraction in the first instance? What sets you apart from the other potential dates out there? Some of the same rules apply to daters in the dating world that apply for businesses marketing their product or service or when you’re applying for a job. You want to give your date (or potential date) the impression that you would be great to be around more often. Work on a unique talent, skill, interest or hobby that sets you aside from the rest (and allows you to show off a little).

Instead of clichéd date ideas, try something different and original – push yourself outside of the comfort zone of dinner and drinks or a movie. You want to stand out from the crowd and be memorable – you could do something outside (weather permitting) or something cultural or something active. You could plan a date that reflects you and your interests – for you to enjoy without pretending you’re someone you’re not – and let your real self shine through. Life is to be enjoyed, so do something fun and/or enriching. See our post on First Date Dos and Don’ts for some more tips.

7. Be confident

Confident people are generally more positive and have a strong self-belief and a healthy ego. Confidence can be a powerful trait – it can make you more successful and can attract the attention and respect of those around you. There is a fine line, however, between someone who comes across as confident and someone who comes across as arrogant or cocky, so don’t push it too far.

Insecure people often feel jealous and this can put unnecessary strain on relationships, so it is important to come across as being comfortable with yourself (see Step 1. Love Yourself). Knowing what you want before you start looking for it is crucial, too (see Step 2. Know Yourself)! Knowing what you want and not compromising your own personal standards will come across as a confident and powerful statement, and possibly avoid heartache with the wrong person.

8. Be trustworthy

One of the most desirable, attractive traits in a long-term partner is their trustworthiness. Trustworthy people are honest, loyal, dependable and consistent, and these are all great things to have in a long-term partner. Finding someone you can share everything with – your secrets, your hopes and dreams, and your ups and downs – without judgement or fear of them sharing this information with others is something everyone hopes for. For more on this topic, see Find Keep Love’s post on 10 Ways To Become Trustworthy & More Trusting.

9. Be emotionally stable and available

We all need to get things off our chests occasionally – and this, of course, is healthy – but no-one wants to date someone who’s always complaining about others or whinging about past relationships. Bringing emotional baggage to a new relationship can be detrimental to the chances of it achieving its full potential. Emotionally stable and available people appear solid and dependable, and having someone as a mate who can provide rational, emotional support is very attractive. Being available emotionally allows you to engage with others emotionally, and emotionally available people don’t run away from true intimacy, allowing deeper bonds to form quicker.

10. Be sexy (and use your sexuality)

Women have perfected over many thousands of years the power of being sexual and using their sexuality/sex appeal as a powerful tool to attract men. Men can be sexy, too, and can use their own sex appeal to attract women. Men and women think quite differently (see our post on 10 Things Men Want Women To Know & Women Want Men To Know for some great examples), and this is especially true when it comes to sex and sexuality! Acknowledging and understanding the difference between men and woman and what motivates the behaviour of each sex is the first step to understanding the rules of the ‘game’ and to knowing what the right things are to say and do for attracting (and turning on) the opposite sex. ‘Sexy’ is defined differently for different people, and like #6 above, everyone has their own way of being sexy, and it doesn’t just mean physical sexiness! The mind is a powerful thing – being interesting and passionate about something can be sexy, and intelligence can be sexy. A good sense of humour and wit can also be sexy. As a man, being sexy can mean being strong, brave and/or confident, and your masculinity can be used to your advantage. The most important thing is to use your strengths to your advantage to be the sexiest person you can be.

In summary, in addition to the five ways in Part 1, the ten ways to make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex are

1. Have good personal hygiene
2. Dress appropriately to make yourself feel good about yourself
3. Eat well and exercise
4. Smile (but check your teeth!)
5. Be kind and helpful to others
6. Be unique, interesting and dynamic
7. Be confident (without being arrogant or cocky)
8. Be trustworthy
9. Be emotionally stable and available
10. Be sexy (and use your sexuality)

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7 Deadly Relationship Sins – What Not To Do In Love – Part 1

Every long term relationship has its ups and downs, and how we deal with difficulties in a relationship defines us as people and defines the partnership. In the next two posts, we’ll look at seven deadly relationship sins, how to recognise them, and most importantly, how to avoid them ruining your relationship.

1. Lack of communication

Lack of communication is something that one or both partners will complain about at some stage of a long term relationship and it is one of the biggest relationship killers. It can manifest itself in a number of different ways, including:

a) Not listening to your partner – one of the biggest complaints between partners and something couples therapists make a ton of money from. Learn to read the body language of your partner and gauge whether something is important to them. Properly, actively listening to your partner is one way of showing that you respect them, support them and are interested in them.

b) Not communicating feelings – your fears, hopes, dreams, insecurities, issues, and problems. People do change with time and without periodically updating your partner on your thoughts, feelings and interested, you can naturally drift apart (see The Natural Drift Of Relationships – Why Some Relationships Don’t Last). Even small issues, like for example a man leaving the toilet seat up over and over again, can build up to resentment over time and injure your relationship.

c) Keeping secrets – a cornerstone of a healthy and strong relationship is trust (see 6 Secrets To Keeping Long Term Love – Part 2), but keeping secrets and having your partner find out can make them feel untrusted and question your own trustworthiness. To build trust in your relationship, check out our post on 10 Ways To Become Trustworthy And More Trusting.

2. Physical or emotional cheating

Cheating doesn’t always have to be physical, and you can do just as much damage to a relationship, if not more, by emotionally cheating. Temptation is all around us, and with the development of the internet, smartphones and other technologies connecting us with people all around the world, there are more and more opportunities to cheat. A fling with someone else – or even mutually entertaining the thought of it – may make you feel wanted or loved (or at least lusted after), but it is masking a void or deficiency in your own relationship that you need to address. In addition, the definition of acceptable behaviour when around others outside the relationship can differ from person to person and couple to couple. Think about the things you might say or write to others, or your body language, in the context of your own partner and your own relationship. How would you feel if your partner said or did similar things to another person? When does harmless, friendly flirting become something more?

3. Jealousy

A little jealousy can be good and healthy in a relationship – it can promote protectiveness and competitiveness to care and protect both your partner and relationship from the perceived threat. It can remind you of your feelings for your partner, and it can help you to think about and understand yourself a little better. In this way, healthy jealousy acts to guard and support a relationship. But too much, too often can be a deadly relationship killer. Overly jealous people see the world through a distorted lens, losing perspective and perceiving danger where there might not be. Jealousy is a highly complex emotion and can be incredibly powerful, causing us to lose control. Jealousy can be caused by insecurity and possessiveness. It can also be caused by a fear of rejection, abandonment or loss, and it can be triggered by feelings of powerlessness or a lack of control. Overcoming jealousy isn’t an easy task, but you can start by learning to love yourself (see Part 1: Find Love. Step 1. Love Yourself) to develop self-love and self-worth, creating a healthy relationship within us. This develops self-esteem and creates a healthy ego, allowing us develop healthy and productive interpersonal relationships with others. Building trust can strengthen your relationship and help overcome jealousy.

Be sure to check out the second part of this post, 7 Deadly Relationship Sins – What Not To Do In Love – Part 2, which examines the other four deadly relationship sins. And don’t forget to read 6 Secrets To Keeping Long Term Love – Part 1 and Part 2.

Avoiding Toxic Relationships Or Leaving The One You’re In

“How many times do you need to get hurt for you to know it’s time to let go?” one questioned. “A break up is just like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it,” another said.

While it’s all very well receiving comforting advice in the form of deep and meaningful quotes, actions truly speak louder than words. This is why even after all is said and done, it is your actions that will truly define the type of person you really are. So who exactly are you?

Should I stay… or should I go?

While you might feel a sense of loyalty to your other half – or even to yourself to keep the relationship going –  sometimes it’s best to leave and start over. See if you can identify with these five reasons for why you should break up:

1. History repeats itself

You know those couples who break up, get back together, break up, get back together, break up – and then get back together again? It isn’t healthy to keep repeating these cycles as this not only impacts upon your relationship, it impacts upon your friends and family who have to see and hear about it. If you keep having to go repeat history, then maybe it’s time to rewrite it and meet someone new.

2. After the love has gone

Relationships change over time, and sometimes the passion or spark you once had diminishes, making you question whether you are still in love with your partner. If a relationship isn’t nurtured (see Relationship Maintenance & Avoiding Relationship Ruts), you can fall into a routine where you act no longer as lovers, but more like friends or roommates. In many cases, all the relationship needs is a “pick me up,” but sometimes it’s time to realise that the relationship has run its course – and that you should choose another course of action, too. This is all discussed in detail in The Natural Drift Of Relationships – Why Some Relationships Don’t Last.

3. When opposites don’t attract

Sure, it might be fun at first to not share mutual interests – he likes sci-fi, while you’re into documentaries, he loves red peppers when you can’t stand the taste of them, and he’s messy, while you’re obsessively clean. While it might seem like fun at first, doing something different and getting out of your comfort zone, if it gets to the point where being opposites repels either of you, then you either try to compromise or agree to disagree. Whether opposites really do attract or not is up for debate: Dating Someone Similar Or Different – Opposites Attract?

4. When the cat’s away, the mice will play

Cheating is one of the most common reasons for lovers to part ways, and naturally so. Once the damage of knowing your partner has cheated on you has hit home, and having your trust betrayed, it can be hard to let go. Learning to trust again takes time, patience and commitment – but this doesn’t just apply to the person who cheated; this can also be true in the case of the person who was cheated on. If their infidelity has hurt you to the point of no return, then leave the relationship immediately. Find Keep Love looks how to build trust in relationships in 10 Ways To Become Trustworthy And More Trusting.

5. The relationship is at a dead end

So you’ve had the honeymoon period, but then ‘the’ conversation comes up. One of you raises the subject of moving in together, along with hints of marriage, but the other person isn’t so sure. Is there any long-term potential, and do you want that, or was it only ever a brief fling? It’s best for the both of you to talk about your feelings and decide what you want from the relationship, and if either of you conclude that you don’t see any future, then enjoy the relationship for what it was and walk away. Not being on the same level and wanting the same things out of the relationship is one of the biggest relationship killers.

This post was written for Find Keep Love by Susie Francis a content writer for Select Personal Services. Susie specifically loves to write about relationships, dating and travel, but her writing skills are widespread. You can find out more about Susie on Twitter (@SusieFrancisW).

6 Secrets To Keeping Long Term Love – Part 2

In the previous post 6 Secrets To Keeping Long Term Love – Part 1, we examined the first three of six secrets to keeping long term love and what the characteristics are of successful long term relationships. In this post, we examine the second three of six secrets, and summarise what you can do to ensure that you keep love for the long haul.

4. Show affection & intimacy

It is important to show your love in the form of affection and intimacy. As life goes by, and we become more comfortable in our relationship, we often forget to not only show our gratitude, but to express our feelings and attraction physically. The ‘good feeling’ chemicals in the brain (we’ll address the science behind love in another post) that made us so excited at the beginning of the relationship start to wear off with time and I’m sure there aren’t many longer term relationships that are as physically involved (read sexual) as they were in the first few months. The good thing is that if you’re a couple in this position, you’re not alone! The bad thing is that affection and intimacy requires a little more effort and motivation than before. Dating someone once or twice a week or month is very different to seeing each other every day and seeing their ‘ugly’ side (the morning breath and other bad smells, the bed hair, no make-up, and so on). But it doesn’t have to be too hard – be spontaneous, grab your partner and kiss them occasionally, be playful, have fun doing silly things together, hold hands, hop in the shower or bath together – but maintain some form of physical contact that keeps your love alive.

5. Maintain individuality (“us” time vs. “me” time)

It is essential to maintain a bond of togetherness with your partner with mutual interests. Going on dates together is important (and scheduling them if you’re busy people) and ensuring adequate “us” time, to learn and grow together. But giving your partner freedom to explore their own life is also critically important, by letting your partner have their own friends, their own hobbies and interests, their own “me” time. A relationship is a partnership in love and a journey through life together, but one should never lose their own individuality. The longer you spend with someone in a relationship, the more your lives become intertwined, which can leave you feeling dependent on your partner and depended on, upsetting your emotional balance and making you feel trapped and restricted. Think of the relationship as two individuals joined together by love on a journey towards a common goal (or goals). As Antoine de Saint-Exupery once said “Love is not looking at each other, but looking together in the same direction.” You should both be able to do your own thing with or without others, without the other being jealous or thinking that they don’t love or enjoy spending time with them.

6. Trust your partner & be trustworthy yourself

All successful relationships are based on a healthy level of trust for without trust a relationship will not survive. Trust is a two-way street: you must have the correct combination of one partner being trustworthy and the other being trusting. A relationship just won’t last if one is trustworthy and the other untrusting, or one is trusting and the other untrustworthy. Trust is one of the most precious commodities in a relationship and is far easier to lose than to gain. It is earned over time and is built on integrity and confidence in another. Think about you and your personal relationships – do you think you are considered a trustworthy person? Do you have trouble trusting others? If you’re having trouble with trust in your relationship, you’ll want to read our post on 10 Ways To Become Trustworthy and More Trusting.

Practising these six things – along with the suggestions in Modern Day Dating & Scheduling Dates and Relationship Maintenance & Avoiding Relationship Ruts – will ensure you and you partner are well on your way to a happy and successful long term relationship. In summary:

1. Show your gratitude
2. Encourage your partner
3. Tolerate their flaws & habits
4. Show affection & intimacy
5. Maintain individuality
6. Trust your partner & be trustworthy yourself

What do you think are the secrets to successful long term love?

5 More Signs Someone Really Likes You

The previous post on 5 Signs Someone Really Likes You was just not long enough to cover all the signs, so here we’ll look at five more signs that someone really likes you. In addition to the five signs from the first post:

1. Their body language
2. Calling for no reason
3. Their friends know about you
4. Giving you attention
5. Occasional, subtle passive aggressive behaviour

You should also look out for the following five:

6. Telling you personal secrets
Trust is important in a close personal relationship and if someone tells you their personal secrets, they are expressing trust and confidence in you. In the same way that they want to know more about you if they really like you, they will tell you about themselves, often with more personal details than they might otherwise confide in others. Sharing secrets is one way of strengthening the bond between two people.

7. Checking you out when you’re not looking

If you catch them staring at you, and they look away, perhaps with a blush or a smile, when you notice them, this is a good sign that they like you. Tied in with sign #1 (their body language), they’ll give you lots of eye contact when engaged in conversation, and they might just check you out when you think they’re not looking. Particularly if they have limited time with you, they will spend as much time as possible looking at you because you are physically appealing to them.

8. Defending you

As with sign #4 (giving you attention), when you are in trouble of some form, they will try to help you out, and this extends to defending you when you are being personally attacked in some way or another. The usual form of this defending for both sexes is verbal, and this is even more prevalent with so many ways to communicate these days: Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, and many other social networks and media sharing sites. Our opportunities to share information have never been greater, but with this comes more bullying and attacking of others, particularly under the veil of anonymity the internet affords.

9. Complimenting & supporting you

They will attempt to make you feel good by complimenting you and supporting your endeavours. They will pay good attention to you and remember things about you. They might notice, for example, that you’ve styled your hair differently (or just had a haircut) or that you’re wearing new clothes or a new scent, and compliment you on it. They will ask about the activities in your life and the things that interest you, and support, encourage and cheer you on. They will congratulate your successes and commiserate with you when things don’t go to plan.

10. Trying hard to impress you

It might be that they dress better or change their appearance in some way to get your attention. It could be that they laugh a little too hard at a joke that, quite frankly, isn’t really that funny (particularly if, like me, you use dad jokes a little too often). They might get you a gift – with or without a reason, like a birthday or Christmas – that clearly shows they have thought a lot about what your tastes are like and what you might need or want. They might rearrange even the most hectic or inflexible of schedules, just to spend a short amount of time with you. Whichever example you think about, they are trying hard to impress you and go above and beyond the normal standards of friendship to do so.

As I wrote in the original post 5 Signs Someone Really Likes You, the more of the signs described above someone shows towards you, the higher the chance they are interested in you. And now that you know what some of the signs are, you can proactively adopt these to show those in your life who you care about, that indeed you actually do!

Can you tell whether someone really likes you or not? What gives you the best indication that someone does, in fact, like you? Share your signs with us by leaving a comment below.