10 Ways To Become Trustworthy & More Trusting

One of the cornerstones of a healthy and strong relationship is trust, and trust is one of our 6 Secrets To Keeping Long Term Love. Trust in relationships takes time and effort to build, and can be destroyed in the blink of an eye, sometimes irreparably. In this post, we look at how to build trust in relationships with ten ways to become trustworthy and more trusting.

  1. Do what you say & be consistent in your behaviour. Don’t be a hypocrite and don’t have double standards.
  2. Don’t lie. Don’t embellish the truth. No-one believes or trusts a chronic liar. Trustworthy people don’t lie, cheat or steal.
  3. If you do lie, admit your lies & apologise for past indiscretions. Disclaimer: this can cause the other person to lose trust in you, but is a better alternative to having a lie found out.
  4. Give information & share secrets/personal information. Entrusting someone with these details exhibits your confidence and trust in them.
  5. Keep secrets of others & don’t gossip. People who often talk and gossip about others are often seen as being untrustworthy. Keeping personal information about others to yourself shows that you are trustworthy and above gossip, which is the “lowest form of discourse” (Jacqueline Bisset).
  6. Express your true feelings. If you love someone, let them know; if you dislike something, also let them know (but tactfully!). Honest people are more trustworthy.
  7. Honour your promises. It can be as simple as being punctual, but show that if you make a commitment or promise, you follow through on them. If you tell someone you’ll do something, do it.
  8. Demonstrate a strong moral ethic. Stand up for things you believe in. Show others that you support good causes. People are more easy to trust when they have good morals, do good things, and care for others.
  9. Be objective & show neutrality in difficult situations. Show fairness and diplomacy when dealing with others. For example, in situations that involve personal conflicts of interest: for example, arguments between two friends or family members. You are judged by others on the nature of your own judgements.
  10. Don’t let baggage from the past cloud/interfere with trust issues of the present. Many times it can be events of the past that affect our trust issues of the present. These issues can sometimes stem from your own behaviour or your own moral compass. Sometimes becoming more trustworthy and more trusting comes from within, after some introspective thought.

Are you as trustworthy as you’d like to be? What do you do in relationships to build trust?

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6 Secrets To Keeping Long Term Love – Part 2

In the previous post 6 Secrets To Keeping Long Term Love – Part 1, we examined the first three of six secrets to keeping long term love and what the characteristics are of successful long term relationships. In this post, we examine the second three of six secrets, and summarise what you can do to ensure that you keep love for the long haul.

4. Show affection & intimacy

It is important to show your love in the form of affection and intimacy. As life goes by, and we become more comfortable in our relationship, we often forget to not only show our gratitude, but to express our feelings and attraction physically. The ‘good feeling’ chemicals in the brain (we’ll address the science behind love in another post) that made us so excited at the beginning of the relationship start to wear off with time and I’m sure there aren’t many longer term relationships that are as physically involved (read sexual) as they were in the first few months. The good thing is that if you’re a couple in this position, you’re not alone! The bad thing is that affection and intimacy requires a little more effort and motivation than before. Dating someone once or twice a week or month is very different to seeing each other every day and seeing their ‘ugly’ side (the morning breath and other bad smells, the bed hair, no make-up, and so on). But it doesn’t have to be too hard – be spontaneous, grab your partner and kiss them occasionally, be playful, have fun doing silly things together, hold hands, hop in the shower or bath together – but maintain some form of physical contact that keeps your love alive.

5. Maintain individuality (“us” time vs. “me” time)

It is essential to maintain a bond of togetherness with your partner with mutual interests. Going on dates together is important (and scheduling them if you’re busy people) and ensuring adequate “us” time, to learn and grow together. But giving your partner freedom to explore their own life is also critically important, by letting your partner have their own friends, their own hobbies and interests, their own “me” time. A relationship is a partnership in love and a journey through life together, but one should never lose their own individuality. The longer you spend with someone in a relationship, the more your lives become intertwined, which can leave you feeling dependent on your partner and depended on, upsetting your emotional balance and making you feel trapped and restricted. Think of the relationship as two individuals joined together by love on a journey towards a common goal (or goals). As Antoine de Saint-Exupery once said “Love is not looking at each other, but looking together in the same direction.” You should both be able to do your own thing with or without others, without the other being jealous or thinking that they don’t love or enjoy spending time with them.

6. Trust your partner & be trustworthy yourself

All successful relationships are based on a healthy level of trust for without trust a relationship will not survive. Trust is a two-way street: you must have the correct combination of one partner being trustworthy and the other being trusting. A relationship just won’t last if one is trustworthy and the other untrusting, or one is trusting and the other untrustworthy. Trust is one of the most precious commodities in a relationship and is far easier to lose than to gain. It is earned over time and is built on integrity and confidence in another. Think about you and your personal relationships – do you think you are considered a trustworthy person? Do you have trouble trusting others? If you’re having trouble with trust in your relationship, you’ll want to read our post on 10 Ways To Become Trustworthy and More Trusting.

Practising these six things – along with the suggestions in Modern Day Dating & Scheduling Dates and Relationship Maintenance & Avoiding Relationship Ruts – will ensure you and you partner are well on your way to a happy and successful long term relationship. In summary:

1. Show your gratitude
2. Encourage your partner
3. Tolerate their flaws & habits
4. Show affection & intimacy
5. Maintain individuality
6. Trust your partner & be trustworthy yourself

What do you think are the secrets to successful long term love?